从 2012 年第一篇年终总结开始算，这算是第九年的年终总结了，我也从一个高二的学生，成为了一个经历了社会毒打的「打工人」。
看每年总结里自己的心境，那段时间单曲循环的歌是哪一首真是一件有意思的事情。为此我甚至重新读了过去 8 年每年的年终总结。一瞬间觉得那些心境已经离自己很遥远了。
2012 年底，我沉浸在时光流逝的伤感里，为初中高一的同学走散而伤感。那时，听得歌是《看得最远的地方》。
2013 年底，我刚刚结束了失败的 CMO，回到阔别已久的高三生活，面对相对不错的结果，又有一丝的不甘心。那时，听得歌是《致青春》。
2014 年底，来到大学的第一年，对过去偶尔怀念，对未来满是憧憬。那时，听得歌是《转身之间》。
2015 年底，每天迷茫而充实，为生活中的每一个小惊喜而心动。那时，听得歌是《小幸运》。
2016 年底，刚从巴黎回来，走遍了欧洲，见了更大的世界，对未来有了自己的想法。那时，听得歌是《Go West》。
2017 年底，坚定了自己要走的路，但是偶尔感觉青春就要过去了，有点怀念。那时，听得歌是《给未来的自己》。
2018 年底，毕业第一年，沉浸在工作的新奇中，给自己不停地打着鸡血。那时，听得歌是《青春大概》。
2019 年底，为自己的成长和蜕变而开心，但是对未来还没有想得很明白。那时，听得歌是《风》。
2020 年是特殊的一年，今年也开始努力坚持一些事情。首先是从去年年底开始写周记，把每周在想在做的事情记录下来，感觉这种淡淡的仪式感，给了我一个避风港，每周都有一些留给自己的时间。其次是逼迫自己多读书，这个倒没有坚持的非常好，本来打算一周一两本，但是出差多的月份，可能也就搁浅了。然后是健身，今年这块倒是坚持的不错，尤其是出了疫情之后，格外珍惜失而复得的健身房，也成功瘦了快 10 斤，新的一年多多努力啊。最后是研究股票，既然把投资作为事业，就是心力，体力，智力的较量，想要练心力，最直接的方法就是炒股，也是最开始最直接的刺激，逼着我努力研究和调整心态。期间我体会了人性的恐惧和贪婪，心力也目之所见的提升了，寻找自己适合的交易策略，做好风控，挺好！
今年工作上，上半年因为市场的原因很闲也很焦虑，后来慢慢找到自己喜欢的方向和项目，突然感觉自己在市场还是有些独特点的，那些独特的思维和努力，还是能找到一些超额收益的。更重要的是，之前觉得自己还是一个学习的状态，突然觉得自己也可以独当一面，独自揽下一摊子事，为公司和被投企业带来价值，第一次觉得自己有机会成长为一个独立思考的投资人。最后几个月，开始研究一些让自己格外兴奋的点，发现自己早于市场找到了某个有巨大潜力的方向，感受到了自己巨大的成就感。虽然社会很残酷，也到处是机会啊！也在这个过程中，更明白了自己想要的究竟是什么，自己的 passion 又是什么，虽然偶尔还在和 Peer pressure 作战，但是我开始有信心战胜它啦。今年年底，认真许下一个愿望吧，27 岁之前敲一次钟，30 岁之前敲 3 次钟。
今年的生活上，反而有些乏善可陈，本来打算今年重返欧洲的计划，也就这样搁浅了，就去了大连，贵州和海南，跨年会在潮汕过。倒是从小小的家里搬了出来，搬进来大 House 和朋友们合租。还是真的很开心的，生活水平也直线上升，大大的落地窗，面对 CBD 的街景，超级乖的小猫，的确治愈极了。
在今年年底，我觉得我的状态是亢奋的，感受到了自己的价值，收到了正反馈，对自己的路更有信心了。也更相信相信的力量，相信中国这片土地上，具有蓬勃的生命力。迫不及待的把自己投入这场百年未有之大变革，找寻属于自己的机会。
说起今年的歌曲，倒是很有趣，当我回去听 2012 年听得《看得最远的地方》，自动播放的下一首是很久没听过的《口袋的天空》，竟然很符合最近的心境。
致我的 2020，我的本命年，我的二十四岁
Counting from my first year-end review in 2012, this is the ninth. I've gone from being a second-year high school student to a "wage earner" who's taken his beatings from the world.
It's genuinely interesting to look at my frame of mind in each year's review, and at which song I had on repeat at the time. I even re-read all eight previous reviews for this. For a moment those states of mind felt very far away.
End of 2012: I was steeped in the sadness of time passing, sad that my classmates from middle school and my first year of high school had scattered. The song then was The Farthest Place You Can See.
End of 2013: I'd just come out of a failed CMO, returned to a long-absent final year of high school, and faced a relatively good outcome with a trace of resentment. The song then was So Young.
End of 2014: my first year at university, occasionally nostalgic about the past and full of anticipation for the future. The song then was In the Turning.
End of 2015: lost and full at once, day to day, moved by every small surprise in life. The song then was A Little Happiness.
End of 2016: just back from Paris, having traveled across Europe and seen a bigger world, with ideas of my own about the future. The song then was Go West.
End of 2017: settled on the road I wanted to take, but occasionally feeling youth was about to end, and a little nostalgic. The song then was To My Future Self.
End of 2018: my first year out of school, steeped in the novelty of work, endlessly pumping myself up. The song then was Youth, More or Less.
End of 2019: happy about my growth and transformation, but with the future not yet thought through. The song then was Wind.
2020 was a special year, and it's also the year I started trying to stick with some things. First, keeping a weekly journal since the end of last year, writing down what I was thinking about and doing each week; that light sense of ritual gave me a harbor, some time set aside for myself every week. Second, forcing myself to read more — which I didn't keep up all that well; I'd planned on one or two books a week, but in months with a lot of travel it ran aground. Third, the gym, which I actually kept up well this year, especially after the pandemic, when I treasured having it back after losing it; I successfully lost close to five kilos. More effort next year. And last, studying stocks. If investing is going to be my career, it's a contest of nerve, stamina and intellect, and the most direct way to train nerve is to trade — the earliest and most direct stimulus, which forced me to research hard and adjust my mentality. Along the way I experienced human fear and greed, and my nerve visibly improved. Find a trading strategy that suits me, manage risk properly — good.
At work this year: in the first half I was idle and anxious because of the market, and then I gradually found directions and projects I liked, and suddenly felt I do have something distinctive in this market — that distinctive thinking and effort can still find some excess return. More importantly, where before I felt I was still in a learning posture, I suddenly felt I could stand on my own, take on a whole area myself, and bring value to the firm and to our portfolio companies. For the first time I felt I had a shot at growing into an investor who thinks independently. In the last few months I started researching some things that excite me enormously, and found I'd identified a direction with huge potential ahead of the market, which gave me an enormous sense of accomplishment. The world is cruel, and opportunity is everywhere. Through it I also came to understand better what I actually want and what my passion is. I still battle peer pressure sometimes, but I'm starting to have confidence I can beat it. At the end of this year, let me make a wish in earnest: ring the bell once before I'm 27, and three times before I'm 30.
Life this year was, by contrast, somewhat unremarkable. The plan to get back to Europe ran aground, so it was Dalian, Guizhou and Hainan, and I'll see in the new year in Chaoshan. I did move out of my tiny place into a big house shared with friends. That's made me genuinely happy, and my standard of living went straight up: huge floor-to-ceiling windows, a view onto the CBD, and an extremely well-behaved cat — thoroughly healing.
At the end of this year my state is energized. I've felt my own value, gotten positive feedback, and grown more confident about my road. I also believe more in the power of believing — that this land has vigorous life in it. I can't wait to throw myself into this great transformation, the like of which hasn't been seen in a century, and find the opportunity that belongs to me.
As for this year's song, it's rather funny: when I went back to listen to 2012's The Farthest Place You Can See, the next track on autoplay was Pocket Sky, which I hadn't heard in ages — and which fit my recent state of mind remarkably well.
To my 2020, my zodiac year, my twenty-fourth year.